Dumb men jokes

[Cecilia]

Q. What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
A. E.T. phoned home.

Q. How do men get excersize at the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Q. What's a man's idea of helpin with the housework?
A. Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

Q. Why are all dumb blond jokes oneliners?
A. So men can understand them.

Q. How do women define a 50/50 relationship?
A. We cook/they eat; We clean/they dirty; We iron/ they wrinkle.

Q. What is the difference between government bonds and men?
A. Government bonds mature.

Q. How are men like noodles?
A. They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Q. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Q. Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
A. When the crew gets lost in space at least the women will ask for directions.

Q. What does a man consider to be a seven course meal?
A. A hot dog and a six pack.

Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.

[Cecilia]

8 things you'll never hear a man say...

8. Here honey, you use the remote.

7. You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.

6. Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!

5. While I'm up, can I get you anything?

4. Sex isn't that important, sometimes I just want to be held.

3. Aww, forget Monday night football, let's watch Melrose Place.

2. Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.

1. We never talk anymore.

[Cecilia]

Q:What is the best way to get a man to stop pestering you?
A:Stare at his crotch and laugh.

Q:Why do men have to flex their muscles around women so much?
A:Because they have nothing else to brag about.

Q:If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
A:YES!!!

Q:Why do men never stop to ask for directions?
A:Because they aren't lost, they just don't know where they are.

[Cecilia]

Q: Why do men have slits in their underware?
A: So they can get oxygen to their brains.

Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually active?
A: He's breathing!

Q: How many men does it take to make popcorn?
A: Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho and shake the stove.

Q. How do you save a man from drowning?
A. Take your foot off of his head.

Q. How are men like parking spaces?
A. The good ones are always taken and all that is left are handicapped

[Cecilia]

One thing you will never EVER hear a man say:

Honey, I am going to the store. Do you need any tampons?

[cntrygurl7]

LMAO those are hiliarous